weblog 09062007
woke up at about 8am coz my bladder needed emptying. the damn bafroom was occupied tho, so i pissed in the kitchen sink. after waffling for a bit, i finally decided to do my laundry before going to Queens and playing with Nina. somewhere in between, i managed to fit in some late breakfast at the coffee shop down the block with my newfound neighbor Tito.
on the way to my mom's house, i stopped by the fish market to pick up some grub for everybody. took Nina to the park, and watched the Top Chef marathon. god, i love that show.
around the early evening i get a text message from JL saying that he's on his way to UPS to pick up the package i sent him. I had preordered Ledisi's latest album and had it shipped to him, but he had flown out to Chicago. i miss his phone call, and check the message he left. it's a long ass message wherein he is gushing his gratitude... meantime, i'm listening for the one thing he never says. and i'm instantly crushed. feeling stupid. questioning why i even bother. he couldn't possibly REALLY love me, could he? why is it so hard to say? i've never HEARD it... only seen it in text... don't know why i thought this would be any different.
so before my shift i try and catch some rest, but end up tossing and turning, conjuring up scenarios of what to say or not to say, fishing and trying not to be passive aggressive all because i dread the answer. finally, i text him, "why do you love me?"
"because it feels good being emotionally attached to you... and you are worthy of that from me. i love who you are and what you do."
and just like that, i feel better. *sigh*
i'm so easy.
on the way to my mom's house, i stopped by the fish market to pick up some grub for everybody. took Nina to the park, and watched the Top Chef marathon. god, i love that show.
around the early evening i get a text message from JL saying that he's on his way to UPS to pick up the package i sent him. I had preordered Ledisi's latest album and had it shipped to him, but he had flown out to Chicago. i miss his phone call, and check the message he left. it's a long ass message wherein he is gushing his gratitude... meantime, i'm listening for the one thing he never says. and i'm instantly crushed. feeling stupid. questioning why i even bother. he couldn't possibly REALLY love me, could he? why is it so hard to say? i've never HEARD it... only seen it in text... don't know why i thought this would be any different.
so before my shift i try and catch some rest, but end up tossing and turning, conjuring up scenarios of what to say or not to say, fishing and trying not to be passive aggressive all because i dread the answer. finally, i text him, "why do you love me?"
"because it feels good being emotionally attached to you... and you are worthy of that from me. i love who you are and what you do."
and just like that, i feel better. *sigh*
i'm so easy.
posted by edjamuhkaytedqt at 12:38 AM
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