the sum of all zahirs...
ramon sent me a text in the middle of the day yesterday and it read:
"Zahir in Arabic means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It's someone or something which once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered a state of holiness or of madness." -18th century Middle Eastern concept.
i slept all day yesterday after work. but not before fixing myself some corned beef hash and eggs. i know, exciting, right? i even made brown rice properly. the only thing i really wanted to be awake for was the new episode for avatar at 8:30, but as i watched the minutes tick away on the clock i could feel lethargy overtake me again. by 8:15pm i had both remotes in hand, but my eyelids got heavier, and i just curled up into a ball, burying my face into a too-firm pillow.
finally i woke up again at 10:30, and scrambled for the shower. i made it to work with 3 minutes to spare.
i'm pretty rested, to say the least. but what does today bring? i don't mean to be a loser. ugh. i know i'd SO be playin' myself if i just sit around and do nothing today, but i keep hoping something... will magically happen. i KNOW it ain't gonna happen. he's not very big on surprises... i guess i just keep projecting... but he ain't me. there's no reason why he'd do what i would do. hell, he'd consider it crazy even.
andre invited me to have brunch this morning. at 11AM! i don't know if i can stay awake that long, but i told him i'd give him a call when my shift ended and let him know the verdict then. i WOULD like to go, no more than when any of my other friends invite me, but i'm trying not to succumb to lethargy. the best way would be to head it off before it gets to that point, meaning i'd have to head straight to his place and maybe sleep for the 2 hours before brunch hits.
i texted CJ to see if he wants to come with. He, too, lives in Brooklyn, and we've been meaning to reconnect. Besides, i don't know andre's friends like that. and i'm notorious for being selective about the company i keep. maybe that's why some people think i'm a snob. but i just like to feel safe. yes, i'm a control freak.
after brunch, which will also be in Brooklyn, andre says, i'll head over to ramon's barber shop and get my mustache lined up properly... and treat myself to a pedicure. i'll see if andre wants to come with, but i had miles in mind to accompany me originally. he has yet to get back to me though.
after that i guess i'll clean up at home, pass out, then take my ass to the gym. both miles and andre will be busy in the evening, martin ain't in a hang-out kinda mood like THAT, and CJ always wants to do something BIG, and my social anxiety can't really handle being seen out like that anymore. but i need to be out. lawd knows HE's out there not thinking about me, fully functional, and having fun, why the fuck can't i get him out MY head? no, i need to take myself out of my home. distract myself. exhaust myself. then i can just go to sleep...
"Zahir in Arabic means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It's someone or something which once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered a state of holiness or of madness." -18th century Middle Eastern concept.
i slept all day yesterday after work. but not before fixing myself some corned beef hash and eggs. i know, exciting, right? i even made brown rice properly. the only thing i really wanted to be awake for was the new episode for avatar at 8:30, but as i watched the minutes tick away on the clock i could feel lethargy overtake me again. by 8:15pm i had both remotes in hand, but my eyelids got heavier, and i just curled up into a ball, burying my face into a too-firm pillow.
finally i woke up again at 10:30, and scrambled for the shower. i made it to work with 3 minutes to spare.
i'm pretty rested, to say the least. but what does today bring? i don't mean to be a loser. ugh. i know i'd SO be playin' myself if i just sit around and do nothing today, but i keep hoping something... will magically happen. i KNOW it ain't gonna happen. he's not very big on surprises... i guess i just keep projecting... but he ain't me. there's no reason why he'd do what i would do. hell, he'd consider it crazy even.
andre invited me to have brunch this morning. at 11AM! i don't know if i can stay awake that long, but i told him i'd give him a call when my shift ended and let him know the verdict then. i WOULD like to go, no more than when any of my other friends invite me, but i'm trying not to succumb to lethargy. the best way would be to head it off before it gets to that point, meaning i'd have to head straight to his place and maybe sleep for the 2 hours before brunch hits.
i texted CJ to see if he wants to come with. He, too, lives in Brooklyn, and we've been meaning to reconnect. Besides, i don't know andre's friends like that. and i'm notorious for being selective about the company i keep. maybe that's why some people think i'm a snob. but i just like to feel safe. yes, i'm a control freak.
after brunch, which will also be in Brooklyn, andre says, i'll head over to ramon's barber shop and get my mustache lined up properly... and treat myself to a pedicure. i'll see if andre wants to come with, but i had miles in mind to accompany me originally. he has yet to get back to me though.
after that i guess i'll clean up at home, pass out, then take my ass to the gym. both miles and andre will be busy in the evening, martin ain't in a hang-out kinda mood like THAT, and CJ always wants to do something BIG, and my social anxiety can't really handle being seen out like that anymore. but i need to be out. lawd knows HE's out there not thinking about me, fully functional, and having fun, why the fuck can't i get him out MY head? no, i need to take myself out of my home. distract myself. exhaust myself. then i can just go to sleep...
posted by edjamuhkaytedqt at 5:50 AM
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