on the sly.

who am i kidding. i be hopin' sometimes that you somehow know where this blog be at. lawd knows ain't nobody else reading it anyway.

it depresses me that all these people be wantin' to kick it to me, tryin, whatever. whatever. WHATever... yes, i still maintain that you're an asshole. suddenly i have some insight tho, that i am applying for myself.

i won't pretend to know the battles you fought. the battles you fight. that you never communicated to me. i won't act like i articulated my fight, nor were you at all obligated to make it your own. i get it. because i want to be a complete person too. without anybody else. i GET it. insofar as it applies to ME, of course. i hope you forgive me for not bein' so quick on the uptake.

so in my own way to these new cats i be the one that be the "asshole"... or even just straight up asshole minus the quotation marks. i don't want none of them touchin me though. gettin near. i push them away one way or the other. i won't presume to be evolved tho. i just aspire. i want. i WANT. but i don't WANT to want anymore. i aspire to transcend. and so i at least once in a while try to act the part. not because i'm playing along or frontin', but because i don't want to presume. and because i will most certainly have my lapses.

i miss JXXXX so much tho. just because i done gave him the benefit of the doubt. was more inclined to hear him out. read through the things that he wrote down. knowledge doesn't necessarily make you better than the next guy, tho, it just makes you more accountable for the actions of the same...

..doesn't it?

so handsome...

i don't want to let anybody else in... meantime, the ego be havin' a field day, while the dreamer stay dreamin'.