overwhelmed.
i am overwhelming myself. too much stimuli, maybe. i just keep loading pressure after pressure on myself. what are the things i need to get done? how can i move forward?
i am starting to get together a circle of friends that are fellow artists, but who are actually DOING something with their art. i need that kind of nurturing environment, and it is a great way to start this year out. that doesn't mean i will neglect the friends that i have known over the years, but i need to be around people that are interested in that aspect of my life and are happy to support it, as i would them.
something about me seems to attract emotionally unavailable people. or maybe i just have the generic "want what you can't have" syndrome. i need to cut that shit out. cut my losses the very MINUTE the dude starts showing signs of bein' a wack ass boyfriend. just because they're good looking or even a straight up great guy doesn't mean they're going to be great to YOU.
i have a major gig coming up on February 1st. i am freaking myself out because it is my first time doing an extended set. Forty five minutes!!!! i can create 45 minutes of material, but i need to take it step by step. i can do that, can't i? i will take it slowly. starting tonight at work, i am going to ONLY set the goal of working on ONE song, converting what i have into performance tracks.
my guitar classes start next week. i really need to be focused about that. it is only an introductory class to get me motivated, but after that i know i will need to step it up, especially if i want to start performing more. it's like getting a driver's license. i'll definitely have more options available to me once i get that off and popping. certainly i'll be freer to write any song i please.
jakgeem's friend looks promising for post production work on my songs, but i can't afford him right now with everything else that's going on. i can't be trippin' and pressuring myself to do everything RIGHT now... i can at least save the money and try to get him to do it a few weeks AFTER this gig, but for now all my time, energy, and money will be devoted to making that work the way i need it to. speaking of which, i need to find a friend with a digital camcorder so i can get proper footage of the performance.
the dating game is also overwhelming. i think i choose emotionally unavailable people because i already know where it's going to go. whenever someone who is actually about it comes along i suddenly get tired, and don't want to deal. because i have to start all over again. doin' the whole "get to know" thing... and to what end? so i will make more of an effort to just meet people on a platonic level and stay focused on making my career happen for me. that way i can still get to know these people without the added pressure of thinking something's going to come out of it other than a good friend.
i sent back julio's "package". so funny. he might as well have called it another "situation." he went out of his way to call it something besides a "gift" or "present". heaven forbid it came from his "heart". but what the fuck?! UNDERWEAR?! was i supposed to take that to mean something? don't get me wrong they were nice and all, and i'll probably want to get myself a pair with my own damn money, but shit, where was the thought it THAT? and for what? i wish that asshole would get off his soapbox. nobody reads my blogs so i can say whatever the fuck i want. if i really wanted to put him on blast like that i would have put a blog out on my page where a shitload of people can read it. pretentious faggot.
ugh. i just need to re-focus.
i am starting to get together a circle of friends that are fellow artists, but who are actually DOING something with their art. i need that kind of nurturing environment, and it is a great way to start this year out. that doesn't mean i will neglect the friends that i have known over the years, but i need to be around people that are interested in that aspect of my life and are happy to support it, as i would them.
something about me seems to attract emotionally unavailable people. or maybe i just have the generic "want what you can't have" syndrome. i need to cut that shit out. cut my losses the very MINUTE the dude starts showing signs of bein' a wack ass boyfriend. just because they're good looking or even a straight up great guy doesn't mean they're going to be great to YOU.
i have a major gig coming up on February 1st. i am freaking myself out because it is my first time doing an extended set. Forty five minutes!!!! i can create 45 minutes of material, but i need to take it step by step. i can do that, can't i? i will take it slowly. starting tonight at work, i am going to ONLY set the goal of working on ONE song, converting what i have into performance tracks.
my guitar classes start next week. i really need to be focused about that. it is only an introductory class to get me motivated, but after that i know i will need to step it up, especially if i want to start performing more. it's like getting a driver's license. i'll definitely have more options available to me once i get that off and popping. certainly i'll be freer to write any song i please.
jakgeem's friend looks promising for post production work on my songs, but i can't afford him right now with everything else that's going on. i can't be trippin' and pressuring myself to do everything RIGHT now... i can at least save the money and try to get him to do it a few weeks AFTER this gig, but for now all my time, energy, and money will be devoted to making that work the way i need it to. speaking of which, i need to find a friend with a digital camcorder so i can get proper footage of the performance.
the dating game is also overwhelming. i think i choose emotionally unavailable people because i already know where it's going to go. whenever someone who is actually about it comes along i suddenly get tired, and don't want to deal. because i have to start all over again. doin' the whole "get to know" thing... and to what end? so i will make more of an effort to just meet people on a platonic level and stay focused on making my career happen for me. that way i can still get to know these people without the added pressure of thinking something's going to come out of it other than a good friend.
i sent back julio's "package". so funny. he might as well have called it another "situation." he went out of his way to call it something besides a "gift" or "present". heaven forbid it came from his "heart". but what the fuck?! UNDERWEAR?! was i supposed to take that to mean something? don't get me wrong they were nice and all, and i'll probably want to get myself a pair with my own damn money, but shit, where was the thought it THAT? and for what? i wish that asshole would get off his soapbox. nobody reads my blogs so i can say whatever the fuck i want. if i really wanted to put him on blast like that i would have put a blog out on my page where a shitload of people can read it. pretentious faggot.
ugh. i just need to re-focus.
posted by edjamuhkaytedqt at 7:35 AM
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