Saturday, June 19, 2010

Didn't go! Just wound up at g lounge. Which is pretty much all she wrote. You know how they tell kids that if they get lost or are separated from their parents to stay in one place? That's EXACTLY the philosophy I adopted. Nursed my drink and regardless to whatever I felt like I was at least in a safe space, know both the security team and Brandon. I didn't feel obligated to get wasted. And I just chilled, allowing people and situations to drift in and on and past. This lil guy who introduced himself as Frank was interested. I couldn't tell you if I was or I wasn't. I mean I was attracted enough but since I am not exactly of a mindset to hook up on the fly versus getting to know people I felt obligated to be polite, but had no desire to Mack on him like that. Brandon set it off with some vodka and seltzer. I was trying to at least not go overboard with fucking my voice up, and I think I did okay. Peter Afriye showed up with his on-the-way-out boyfriend "Corey" and we talked for a little while. Played catch up. I was ballsy enough to come out my face about something that I'd been curious about. I always want to know the dynamics of other people's relationships. The names were never important because I just wanted to know where I go wrong in MY relationships. I wanted insight on how I can be a better person in a relationship as well as if and when it ends. How does one comport oneself in the fallout? In the middle of our conversation I was feeling a lil sweaty under my cap and calculatedly, artfully, swept it off my head, not unlike how a woman blessed with long flowing hair unleashes it upon the world around her by releasing it from a ponytail. Minus the slow motion. Okay maybe a little slow motion, but like, you know, a DUDE, would do it, you know? Coyly I looked up and happened to make eye contact with some guy across the bar who bore the full brunt of my siren song. I grinned, a mélange of innocence and insolence, aware but like a child still delighted at its effect. Dumbstruck he grinned back. The next move should have been an introduction but I punked out. It was a white boy after all! What would I do with that??? 8:41am So I'm in a Malibu driving into Long Island for the beach. With Manny Lopez, of all people! How random is that? Right now we're by the shore laid out listening to some of my Jazz playlist... Perfect for what I needed. Last night I rewarded myself with a little outing to g and had a coupla drinks but I really shouldn't have. I REALLY need to do laundry when I get back. This feels amazing though. The breeze and the sun are doing a number on my ego... I thought I wouldn't last so long with the heat being oppressive but it's a great combo. The sound of the waves crashing. Sigh.

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