Last night was a bit of a hiccup. I wanted to say "disaster" because things didn't go as planned, and I allowed myself into feeling obligated to take my friend Justin out. It was stupid because going out is the furthest thing from my mind. Sure, I get lonely, and sure I want the company of other human beings, but in a more intimate fashion. I'm lonely, and I don't want to put myself in situations where I have to feel I have to put up a brave front. I have two more nights left. How can I salvage this? I don't really want to be out and about. I just want to stay productive and recuperate. 10:19 PM Finally woke up from my drug haze. Starting to sweat waiting for the train headed to Julian's place. Yes, we are finally meeting. I just remembered why I hate summer: heat rash. I really DO have sensitive ethnic skin. He responded first. And someone I'd been flaking out on for the longest. Why? Because I figured he'd be too skinny for me. Sigh. I am shallow. I also need to stop, finally, and leave Tarek and Isaac alone. I harrass them because I know that they're not for me. Whether it's because THEY aren't interested in ME there's nothing I can do about it. So why waste more time? I front about wanting someone more masculine. I refuse to feel bad for wanting to be in a relationship, but I recognize that I need to come first and get my shit together.