goin outta my head
not a pretty place to be right now, so i have been trying to distract myself, and as a result have been making sure all my free time is booked up, even going so far as OVERbooking my time. i can't bear to chance it that people will flake, leaving me hanging, and quickening my anxieties.
to that effect i have actually gone to the gym more often. i'm loving the new location on 145th Street in Harlem.
by the time my overnight shift ends at 8am i've tried setting up breakfasts with various friends, acquaintances, potential rebounds...
(i don't really want to see ANYbody but Julio tho... all i ever wanted was to be able to spend time with him... i never asked for anything else...)
obsessing over my goddaughter and pouring all the love i have left into her tiny frame, and pathetically grateful for any attention she gives me.
haunting hookup sites for basically no damn reason at all... i entertain the idea of meeting new people only to flake out my damn self. despite knowing it ain't what i want i can't help but travel the same paths... feeding my own version of insanity... but i don't know that i expect a different result.
just distracting myself, as usual... there were instances during various parts of the day where no distractions would present themselves i'd start sobbing uncontrollably for all of 15 seconds before i could pull it back together...
also on the productive tip i went to open mic, in no small part thanks to the urging and encouragement of Jason. I am indeed very grateful, because even if i don't feel especially good about it, much less motivated, i am aware that i'd look back at these times and regret not having done SOME-thing...
finally i got some footage of me performing "Why Did You Call", as well as a remix of "So Unfair." also there to support and hopefully be entertained was Mal. long-time myspace friend Morgan ALMOST made it on time, but i appreciated the sentiment at least...
why did u call (live)
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so unfair remix (live)
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Jason also managed to get me to go with him to the "Pig N' Whistle" where his coworkers were engaging in drunken karaoke... i tried to be a good sport and signed up to sing, making sure to pick something easily recognizable. the first attempt, Lou Rawls' "You'll Never Find" wasn't well received, but then again the mic levels weren't that great and they could barely hear my lower register, but my second attempt i knew would get em wylin. I figured I may as well please the natives, in this case straight up WHITE FOLK in an IRISH PUB, and launched into New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle."
During the bad times i wish you were there to hold me close, or speak words of encouragement, but it's when things are going really well that i get saddest, because i want so badly to share them with you...
to that effect i have actually gone to the gym more often. i'm loving the new location on 145th Street in Harlem.
by the time my overnight shift ends at 8am i've tried setting up breakfasts with various friends, acquaintances, potential rebounds...
(i don't really want to see ANYbody but Julio tho... all i ever wanted was to be able to spend time with him... i never asked for anything else...)
obsessing over my goddaughter and pouring all the love i have left into her tiny frame, and pathetically grateful for any attention she gives me.
haunting hookup sites for basically no damn reason at all... i entertain the idea of meeting new people only to flake out my damn self. despite knowing it ain't what i want i can't help but travel the same paths... feeding my own version of insanity... but i don't know that i expect a different result.
just distracting myself, as usual... there were instances during various parts of the day where no distractions would present themselves i'd start sobbing uncontrollably for all of 15 seconds before i could pull it back together...
also on the productive tip i went to open mic, in no small part thanks to the urging and encouragement of Jason. I am indeed very grateful, because even if i don't feel especially good about it, much less motivated, i am aware that i'd look back at these times and regret not having done SOME-thing...
finally i got some footage of me performing "Why Did You Call", as well as a remix of "So Unfair." also there to support and hopefully be entertained was Mal. long-time myspace friend Morgan ALMOST made it on time, but i appreciated the sentiment at least...
why did u call (live)
Add to My Profile | More Videos
so unfair remix (live)
Add to My Profile | More Videos
Jason also managed to get me to go with him to the "Pig N' Whistle" where his coworkers were engaging in drunken karaoke... i tried to be a good sport and signed up to sing, making sure to pick something easily recognizable. the first attempt, Lou Rawls' "You'll Never Find" wasn't well received, but then again the mic levels weren't that great and they could barely hear my lower register, but my second attempt i knew would get em wylin. I figured I may as well please the natives, in this case straight up WHITE FOLK in an IRISH PUB, and launched into New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle."
During the bad times i wish you were there to hold me close, or speak words of encouragement, but it's when things are going really well that i get saddest, because i want so badly to share them with you...
posted by edjamuhkaytedqt at 5:32 PM
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