soapboxes (xfer post)

since apparently we're not above talking about past "situations"

i was waiting for you to get back on your soapbox. stop playin' yourself. accuse me of only having attractive friends?! you may as well point out to your own friends and tell the ones you think are ugly to their face that they are. maybe YOU find my friends attractive, but i don't look at the people i talk to in those terms.

in case you ain't noticed, i'm selective all around about who i let into my circle. there are a disproportionate number of attractive people who have zero personality and are all about the scene. and i don't want to have anything to do with them. you don't know who or what i find attractive and ugly in that regard. shit, i picked YOU didn't i?

i end up meeting a good amount of people and becoming friends with them BECAUSE I NEVER HAD DESIGNS ON THEM BEYOND THE PLATONIC. your sleazy muhfuckin' ass ends up with the alleged "uglies" as friends because you burned through all the "attractive" ones; either one party or the other IF NOT BOTH couldn't look beyond the corporeal long enough to REFRAIN from making any sexual advances.

and you're going to try to put me on blast like you are trying to improve MY situation?! what the fuck have YOU done?! seriously? you gon' try to tell my that i throw temper tantrums? BITCH you ain't seen a temper tantrum. and to use a public forum to do it? who the fuck do you think you are? don't presume to point out character flaws and not even explain the context. this "ninja" was trying to say I planned to see an ex the weekend after HE was supposed to come up, and in the same breath said "ninja" says that I didn't GET that he didn't want a relationship with me. If I thought it mattered to you who I was seein' and not seeing, MAYBE i'd entertain a response. As it were you're just being a hypocrite and a gossip for no reason. You can't act like you care but presume to be impervious to petty matters of the heart.

and you forgot to mention that you're self-righteous. self-deprecation is merely a vehicle for you to passive aggressively pass judgment on other people. don't presume to know everything there is about me, because you never even tried. this asshole fronted like he liked my music but never even listened through any of my songs until way after the fact. tried to tell me when we broke it off that we couldn't have a conversation about it because it was done and there was nothing to talk about.

NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT? Is that what your blog postings are, then? Nothing to talk about? But then you want to come around like all the fucked up shit never happened. That you can come and go as you please and I'm supposed to be content with the scraps under the table. One can only take as much abuse from others, that they inflict upon themselves, right? I WAS foolish. I HAVE foolish tendencies. I will act the fool AGAIN, I'm sure. But on those occasions when I recognize it for what it is, I do what I have to do to make sure I stop putting up with what does NOT feel right for me.

When we stopped talking I was extremely hurt. After a while I kept it moving. I was actually doing pretty well. I started making things happen for myself. Then I hear from you again, and suddenly things start going awry around me. Do I blame you? No. Certainly I am furious at myself for even entertaining the idea of letting you in, but I hold myself accountable.

you NEVER appreciated me beyond some source of entertainment, and while i should have taken it for what it was and left it at that, i couldn't help but have feelings. what, i'm not allowed? of COURSE I am. knowing that it wouldn't go anywhere, well, i don't want to be in a situation like that. it's not in me to be in any kind of situation with someone i couldn't see the POSSIBILITY of something with. not because I'm trying to get married right away. I'm hardly that ignorant (but people on soapboxes omit information that doesn't support their diatribes, don't they?), but at the end of the day it boils down to me WANTING what I want. If I'm not getting what I want, then why stay? It was only a matter of time before "not wanting to be in a relationship" with me translates into wanting to kick it to someone else. Obviously you're welcome to do what you want, but I'll be damned if you do it on my time.

Warning signs, indeed. You came with a helluva lot more warning labels than what you put out, and I didn't pay them any heed either. silly of me.

but here's a thought. if you don't want to be in a relationship with me, then WHY the fuck are you WORRIED about what I'M doing? up til now i ain't wrote a DAMN about you, and even still ain't tryin' to check up on you like that. i just DON'T want to know. have the decency to do the same. keep my name out your mouth.