Gary kept sayin’ it to me. It’s not that I’m not, nor is it the first time that the observation has been made by others. I was pretty sure I was properly behaved though.
I thought I was playin’ it cool.
The date on Thursday went alright. It’s after midnight on the 7th as I write this, having just come back from my sister’s place for her and Chris’ birthday barbeque. I feel bad because I invited him to come along while we were having dinner the night before, and realized at the last minute that it was just a family thing.
i wasn’t ashamed or anything. I just would have ended up being too inconspicuous altogether since everybody was just close family. sort of. there were two people, a couple, that i didn’t quite recognize, but the number was low enough that it still under the “intimate” category, and I ain’t no damn “Ugly Betty” bringin’ my “Henry”.
we ate, were entertained by Nina, and then I went upstairs to lay down... i felt tired... i think i’m still drained from last Sunday. i got cajoled into comin’ down after a while to sing karaoke. normally i’dve been more emphatic about my “no” but the old man i didn’t know was KILLIN’ everybody with his old man song choices, and because my older sister asked me to. It WAS her birthday, and i didn’t get her a present. It was the least I could do to honor her request. it felt good to do something i loved for someone I loved. I don’t usually expect them to be any kinda supportive about my passion. maybe i was just the monkey dancing to the accordion, but did i mention it was her birthday?
I’d really rather have spent the evening with Gary. About 2 hours into the shindig i was ready to make my getaway, but apparently Gary improvised and went to dinner with his friends. I was disappointed, but more worried, because his text message saying as much ended with an exclamation point. you don’t put in an exclamation point unless you are trying to express something emphatically, right? was he mad? it would be understandable. originally i was gonna book dinner reservations but thought it would have been a good opportunity to see me in a different context. just so he would have a more rounded understanding of what he’d be getting himself into if he wanted to continue kickin’ it to me.
Yeah, i guess AM pretty hard on myself.
Today I’m expected to go to Rasul’s thing at 11am. He calls it “worship” but to the average layman it looks like singing. well, it IS singing. or rather, he’s worshipping through song. good news, indeed, but i will probably try to cut out around 12:30-1pm.
I had hoped to bring somebody along, and I thought of Gary first. not because i’m tryin to lock him down or anything, nor am I moving too fast. although from his perspective it can look REALLY suspect:
First encounter was a the club and we start makin’ out
2nd encounter we go for dinner and walk around
for the hypothetical 3rd that ended up NOT happening meet the family--?!
for the hypothetical 4th that ain’t happening either we go to CHURCH?!
yeah, that does look crazy. *sigh* if i was him i’d run too.
then again, he may not be thinking anything of it. but i’ll leave it alone. thankfully, i HAVE learned one lesson and am taking it easy, not to mention keeping my options open.
Jeffery doesn’t seem scared off yet. Jimmy seems to be crushin’ hard.
Who will I end up disclosing to? It’s not like I’ll need to since sex won’t be introduced anytime soon for either. I got fuckin flare up problems, not to mention my tummy is wylin’ da fuck OUT!
that depresses me. the prospect of NOT having sex because of health issues, AND scaring someone off with a DIFFERENT set of health issues. i know that the right person won’t care about that, but I can’t help but see that as a very REAL possibility.
