weblog 09102007

i ain't mad at the weekend...

friday came and went. i had work at midnight, and julio was on his way up via chinatown bus. i had arranged for ramon to "babysit" him for me and otherwise keep him occupied for at least a coupla hours so he wouldn't get too antsy at my job. he came back to the hotel only a LITTLE bit tipsy, having managed to evade ramon's questions regarding our status quo. the rest of the night while i finished up my shift he dutifully chilled in one of the back offices and watched smallville episodes on his iPhone. i ordered breakfast for us: french toast and a bunch of other stuff.

saturday morning we trudged back to my place in washington heights and got ready to pass out. first tho, we hit the shower, then hit the bed, then hit the skins, and THEN we passed out. i had the nerve to try to capture the foreplay on my camera but finally guilt won over, i 'fessed up, and ended up having to delete the whole kit and kaboodle. ah well. no biggie. *grin*

when we woke up i made some turkey chili dogs and nachos, and we played Mortal Kombat Armageddon all day and night into the next day...

sunday morning we laid up in the bed some more, then went to get ready and met up with ramon for brunch at the pink tea cup, where i gorged on a beautifully season pork chop, with some apple fritters, as well as a side of mac and cheese and ramon spared me acoupla pieces of his bacon...lol... i was literally high on the hog in that moment. julio wanted pinkberry so i made some room for that too.

afterwards i dropped julio off at the bus station then went home to expel all the crap i devoured over the day, then napped til it was time for work. at work i bullshitted and the netflix feature was Quineanera, which only further validated my anger towards white people, and more specifically, to exploitative, elitist, asshole gay white men. i hope they all die.

weblog 09062007-2

2 more nights until JL gets here. i'm bored at work, and to keep from going crazy i like to conjure up scenarios of how things will be for the NEXT time we get together, mapping out tentative itineraries and booking temporary occasions... so in that spirit i am trying to maximize the time that we have together...

in all likelihood his bus gets in around midnight. unfortunately, as usual, i will have work at midnight so i doubt that i'll be able to meet him at the station, much less arrange dinner, but perhaps i can rock out my gift certificate with Bice and get us something that we can have when he gets here. he seems happy to come to my job and wait out the 8 hours of my shift with me, something that i would be ecstatic over, myself, but worry that he may be bored, or at least too tired...

to preempt that, i'm thinking have some popcorn ready, and some dvds from netflix handy. unfortunately i hadn't been keeping an eye on my Queue and one of the dvds on its way is the Clark Sisters: Live In Concert. Somehow I very much doubt that he'd find that entertaining enough to keep him up in the dead of night. Certainly i'd feel wrong fondling him through his jeans as gospel music filters through the lobby. *sigh*

he's also an avid movie goer, so i am pretty sure he will have already seen the other movie on its way: Ghost Rider. I know, i'm lame, but they can't all be deep cerebral flicks, and i had been meaning to check out the movie adaptation of yet another one of my comic books.

in an attempt to redeem myself, and because it was already in my queue, just not at the top of the list, i bumped up Quinceniera, and some sci-fi fantasy made-for-tv mini-series.

if he manages to last through the night i hope to steal as many kisses and hugs and cuddles as possible, capping it off around 7:30AM or so, at which point i'll send him upstairs to the breakfast room to wait for me.

Plan B, of course, is just to give the poor boy the damn keys and tell him to wait for me at home.

We'll sleep when i get in, of course, among other things, and pretty much laze about in my room playing video games, in the middle of which i will start a small simple dinner of coconut gingered chicken with broccoli, followed by some roasted peaches in a wine sauce with some vanilla ice cream on the side. i'm seriously thinking of cheating and picking up some fried chicken somewhere and making a honey-garlic glaze to put over it.

then again, i DO have a gift certificate for this other restaurant called Zoe that i could use, but that would entail leaving the confines of my apartment, and take away from a lot of face-sucking time. and i've been goin' through withdrawal, dammit.

i'll be off saturday night and so it'll be more of the same, so i don't know if we'll manage to make it out of the apartment sunday for brunch with whomever.. coz i'd really like to get laid as often as possible before he hops back on the bus to MD. *sigh* but damn i'm frustrated.

weblog 09062007

woke up at about 8am coz my bladder needed emptying. the damn bafroom was occupied tho, so i pissed in the kitchen sink. after waffling for a bit, i finally decided to do my laundry before going to Queens and playing with Nina. somewhere in between, i managed to fit in some late breakfast at the coffee shop down the block with my newfound neighbor Tito.

on the way to my mom's house, i stopped by the fish market to pick up some grub for everybody. took Nina to the park, and watched the Top Chef marathon. god, i love that show.

around the early evening i get a text message from JL saying that he's on his way to UPS to pick up the package i sent him. I had preordered Ledisi's latest album and had it shipped to him, but he had flown out to Chicago. i miss his phone call, and check the message he left. it's a long ass message wherein he is gushing his gratitude... meantime, i'm listening for the one thing he never says. and i'm instantly crushed. feeling stupid. questioning why i even bother. he couldn't possibly REALLY love me, could he? why is it so hard to say? i've never HEARD it... only seen it in text... don't know why i thought this would be any different.

so before my shift i try and catch some rest, but end up tossing and turning, conjuring up scenarios of what to say or not to say, fishing and trying not to be passive aggressive all because i dread the answer. finally, i text him, "why do you love me?"

"because it feels good being emotionally attached to you... and you are worthy of that from me. i love who you are and what you do."

and just like that, i feel better. *sigh*

i'm so easy.

weblog 09042007

i spent a good chunk of last night lazing about on my air mattress and marinating in my dirty laundry, feeling a bit lackluster, and insecure about what i was doing with myself. my extended game of twenty questions with Julio had me feeling a bit cynical about the future of our relationship, having forgotten that i don't have control over everything, if anything at all, saving my own actions and responses.

so i need to control 'em, awready. take the bloody bull by the horns and MAKE it work.

let's see... what else did i do today...

ooh, i went to the gym for the first time in WEEKS, but not before collecting all my laundry and sorting it. i also got a roll of quarters so i can actually do the damn thing, but never quite got around to actually DOING it. still, it's amazing what a little picking up can do, and for good measure I Swiffer'd the floor, and took out the garbage. that done, the next thing i need to tackle is burning some CDs for my demo... but before that, at the very least making an attempt to re-record the songs that i have (and have had the opportunity to rehearse and perform in public). i just wish i were better at mixing down everything... *sigh*

now i am work. still playing twenty questions. and running outta questions...